Made-Up Office Forms a Thermostat Committee After the Break-Room Dial Was Changed 11 Times Before Lunch

Halberd and Finch, a mid-sized insurance office that exists only in this sentence, announced Thursday that it has formed a three-person Thermostat Stewardship Committee after the break-room dial was changed 11 times before lunch.

The first meeting lasted 50 minutes and produced a recommended "comfort range" of 70 to 70. Committee chair Marlene Cosgrove, a fictional operations director who brought a cardigan and a spreadsheet, called that "a compromise in the truest sense, meaning nobody left happy."

A clipboard now hangs next to the dial. The first entry, signed by Ida Renfro, a made-up copy editor, reads, "68, and I stand by it." The second, left a few minutes later by an invented claims adjuster named Devon Phelps, says the room was "already 68 when I got here, and now it is an icebox." Phelps told the committee that 71 is "the number of a reasonable person."

Not everyone wants a process. The building engineer, who asked to be identified only as someone who is tired of walking over there, suggested locking the box and giving the key to "literally anyone who will stop emailing me." Cosgrove said the key would be held by the committee, which meets on Tuesdays, which several staff members noted is when the office is coldest.

A final policy had been promised by Friday. It was delayed after someone changed the dial twice more, including once while the committee was still in the room.

As of press time, the clipboard had also acquired a third note that said only, "Who keeps moving this?" The handwriting has not been identified, which Cosgrove said will require a subcommittee.