Made-Up Office Forms Five-Person Committee to Decide Who Has to Eat the Last Fun-Size Candy Bar

Dunmore and Pell, a mid-sized accounting firm that exists only in this sentence, announced Thursday that it has formed a five-person committee to decide who will eat the last fun-size candy bar in the break room.

The bar, a peanut-butter cup in slightly crushed orange packaging, has been sitting alone in the leftover Halloween bowl since Monday morning. Employees say at least 40 people have looked at it. Nobody has touched it.

"Everyone wants it, and everyone is afraid of being the person who took it," said committee chair Brenda Ostrowski, a fictional senior auditor who brought the bowl in the first place. "So we did what this company does best. We made a process."

The committee met for 45 minutes Wednesday and produced a three-page memo laying out eligibility rules. Employees who already took more than four pieces last week are out. So is anyone who "just grabbed a handful on the way to a meeting and said it was for the meeting." A made-up intern named Tyler was ruled out for eating the last two Milky Ways and then announcing it in the group chat.

Not everyone supports the effort. Gary Fenwick, an invented account manager, said the committee was "clearly a power grab" and pointed out that three of its five members had openly said they liked peanut butter. Ostrowski said those members would recuse themselves "if it comes to that."

A final decision had been scheduled for Friday. It was postponed after someone noticed a second fun-size bar wedged under the bowl's paper liner, which the committee now says will require a subcommittee.

As of press time, the bowl had also been moved closer to the window, which several staff members described as "a choice."